(Where to find the best pig candy in Los Angeles.)
You wake up in a hotel room.
You squint hard in a feeble attempt to jump-start your brain.
Next to you you see a pair of stockings and lipstick.
You look around the room but you are the only one there.
Your only company is a pounding headache and the faint smell of strawberries.
What the fuck happened?
It’s New Year’s Day.
After swearing off alcohol multiple times you pour out of bed, brush your teeth, and put on whatever clothes you can find.
Your phone rings.
It’s one of your friends from last night.
“Let’s get breakfast”
Here are your top three bacons in the Angel City:
You Are Wearing: Chuck Taylors
In a half studio/half residential neighborhood nestled on a corner sits the converted house turned feed hole that is Grub. It toes the perfect balance of studio execs thinking it’s a hidden find and production assistants still thinking its counter culture cool. The thing is, we all know about it. We know about the famous After School Special with one of the best grilled cheese sandwiches you will ever have and that perfect cup of tomato soup with a hint of dill. The free cereal appetizer is a nice touch but that’s not why you are here is it. You need eggs. You need coffee. You need bacon. And that’s where they excel. They know their product and they don’t sell it short by calling it “Crack Bacon”. Somehow sweet, somehow spicy, altogether amazing.
Location: San Marino
You Are Wearing: Sperry Topsider Boat Shoes
Is this a lodge or a restaurant? The small town vibe and highly diverse clientele of rich, old, and white might make you think you were in small town Kansas but the 70 degrees and sunny in December reminds you that you are back in Southern California. You can sit next to a library of books, a fountain, or an overhanging chandelier but you are guaranteed to be sitting next to a Gertrude wearing her finest pearls. In order to do your best impression of the 1% you sip your coffee with your pinky out while you peruse the menu. Your eyes stop at the candied bacon. Candied bacon? What’s that? Does it even matter, it has the word “bacon” in it so you know your fat ass is going to try it anyway. The bacon comes on a white plate laying in a hash tag pattern subtly urging you to make it the Internet’s next trending topic. You pick up a piece, place it on your tongue, and sit back. So this is what its like to be 1%.
You Are Wearing: Kenneth Cole Ankle Boots
You’ve driven by it several times. The red sign looks like a series of symbols but upon further scrutiny you realize its actually a creative expression of letters. Close enough to be associated with the culinary bonanza of 3rd street but far enough that it can still be it’s own cool standalone entity is BLD. You can sit outside with your tiny dog and your giant sunglasses or you can opt for a semi-booth next to the perfectly zen tree. A gray shirt and red apron will come to ask for you drink order but you already know what you want to eat, the Fried Egg Sandwich with a side of fingerling potatoes. Listen to me very carefully when I tell you this, you can rape me with a wand of fire and I wouldn’t notice if I was eating the Fried Egg Sandwich at BLD. A combination of some of the greatest flavors on the planet in a handheld sandwich. The slightly toasted and fresh sourdough bread can hardly contain the ooey gooey gruyere, egg yolk, and aioli spread. And then there’s the bacon. Nueske’s thick cut bacon that may possibly be the best darn bacon in town.
Happy New Year.
[Photo: Julienne in San Marino, CA]