(Both sexes hate it but as a society we subject ourselves to it. So here’s a couple tips for upping your success rate.) (And click here for a woman’s perspective.)
I liken post-college dating to a fish growing up in an aquarium then suddenly being dumped in to the ocean. Once you get out of college your dating life is the wide-open plains of the world. When you were in school you hardly took advantage of your opportunities so now the people you meet are most likely from work (don’t do it) or the bars. The first thing you have realize is guys like hitting on women at bars as much as women like being hit on at bars. Neither gender really likes it but we dance the dance because that’s the song playing for our age bracket. Are bars the only place to meet the opposite sex? No, but if you are going to do it then here are a couple tips for making the game work for you.
- The game starts before you even leave your apartment. How differently do you feel in a suit than your regular clothes? That’s right. You’ve got a certain swagger and confidence about you. Look good, feel good. Women know this and as a man you must too. Make your style work for you.
- Like it or not your success is all going to be a numbers game. For every seven women you approach you will get one phone number. For every three phone numbers you get, one will pick up when you call. Even if you’ve got Swayze like game a girl just might not be in the mood to talk to you at that time. Maybe she has a boyfriend, her cat died that day, or she just doesn’t want to buy what your selling. You can’t take rejections personal. They are not a reflection of you at all.
- Think of talking to women at a bar like working out. You have to stretch before you start lifting heavy weight. When you get to a bar immediately talk to a woman. It doesn’t matter if you are interested in her or not you gotta stretch first. Don’t wait until you get settled and grab a drink. Just go up and get rejected.
- Once you see someone you’re interested in you have three seconds to react or she will think you’re a bitch. Alpha males don’t wait, they take what they want. Furthermore, you will start to psych yourself out and not approach. If you see a target, shoot it.
- Give fake time restraints. One of a woman’s fears is that some loser will try to hang around her and linger all night so you can approach a group and say “I can only stay for 30 seconds but…”. Then they will be more likley to listen.
- Go with other women. Women draw conclusions about you from something called “social proof”. She will think, “if other women accept him then he must be safe”.
- Women travel in packs so you never want to talk to your primary target first. You have to win the group before you can attack. The biggest societal fear a woman has is looking like a whore (which is also why it’s a go-to insult on reality TV) so she is less likely to talk to you in front of her friends for fear of judgment. You must win the crowd first.
- Sure getting rejected blows but the only way to get over it is to keep doing it so you are immune to it. When your friends laugh at you it’s only an indicator that they have no idea what they are doing themselves. If they did, they would understand rejection is normal. You are never going to get a hit unless you take the bat off your shoulders.
- There are no magic pick up lines but if you need something beyond the standard “hi” then go with an “observational opener” like “that chandelier looks horrible, “I think that guy over there is interested in you”, or “this music sucks, why did you pick this?”. Women aren’t morons, they know you are hitting on them no matter what you say so give her a chance to open up and give you a shot.
- Don’t wait for the perfect moment. There is no stars aligned perfect moment where she is going to be alone, she will saddle up next to you at the bar, or accidentally drop her drink in front of you. Perfect moments don’t exist, you have to make your own.
No guy is good at it. You are going to fail. Don’t let it deter you. Just put yourself out there no matter what your motivation may be, from the spectrum of one night stand to a relationship. You aren’t going to get anything unless you try.
For the women out there that don’t think they can meet a good guy at a bar, ask yourself, do I consider myself a good person? Do I go to bars? Then the opposite must be true for men. So smile if you’re interested and help him out, if he’s not passive he’ll do the rest.
Women, you have to get past your thinking that all men at a bar are out there just for sex. I realize you’ve been burnt in the past by all the bad boys you dated (which were all 100% your choice) but not all men are the same. You want to weed the bad ones out? Simple, don’t fuck them immediately. Go out on the industry standard three dates and then make your decision. If you start to view the world through a negative prism then you will start to see the worst in everyone. The past does not equal the future. Have an open mind and you’ll have an open heart.
Pssst guys, I think she’s buying it.
[Photo: The Montmartre section of Paris, France]
[To read it from a woman’s perspective click here.]