Umm Facebook, You’re Getting Kind of Fat

(Is the social media giant spreading itself too thin? As seen on the Thought Catalog.)

When we first started dating we couldn’t keep our hands off each other.

I couldn’t wait to check my phone to see if you called and when you did I would drop whatever I was doing to pay attention to you. To be honest, I liked you way more than I was comfortably admitting. I was in over my head.

Now after being together for several years I have to admit our relationship has, well, lost its luster. I’m not sure how to tactfully say this but, Facebook you’re getting kinda fat.

I realize and appreciate your effort to buy new lingerie (“timelines” and “cover photos”) to entice me but I just found all the new bells and whistles confusing. I didn’t realize I could put that in there and switch that around to there and then flip you around and put that there.

Lately I’m just finding myself less attracted to you. I mean it’s all Sally “listened to this on Spotify”, Jenny is “pinterested” in this, Mike just read this on “Washington post”, or Stacy just “scored a million points on Temple Run”. All this posting from outside sources has made you kind of bloated and left me yearning for the hackneyed status update days of “I hate Mondays”, “I look gross in this LOL”, or the ubiquitous weekend noun/verb exclamation of “brunch!”.

What am I saying Facebook? I miss us. I miss the old days when we used to lay in bed with each other all Saturday morning. The days when we used to stalk our exes together. The days where we would look to see who in our high school got fat. The days when we would compare photos to see which friend had the ugliest baby. What happened to that passion Facebook? What happened to that love?

I realize you are trying but it feels like you might be too late. We hardly call each other anymore. The sex has become monotonous. And when we are together I never feel like you are actually here with me.

I miss the old days of us. How it used to be.

It’s not you it’s me. No wait Facebook, it’s totally you not me.

[Photo: Nice, France)


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