R.I.P. Chivalry

(Woman constanlty bemoan the death of Chivalry so what happened to it?)

Chivalry is dead because women killed it.

Chivalry now knows that his personality pays off only in Disney movies and at the last ten minutes of romantic comedies. A girl has to get burned a couple times by the bad boy with the tats before she can see his true worth. It’s only once she catches him in bed with her roommate when she comes home early to bake him a cake for his birthday does she turn her crying eye to the comforting shoulder of Chivalry.

In the modern world rah rah feminism Chivalry has taken a beating. Chivalry constantly worries about if he should open the door for women, he constantly worries about when/if to split the check, and he constantly worries about giving up his seat on the subway. So Chivalry sits dejected and constantly doubting himself in this ever-evolving world.

When Chivalry grew up he always thought he was what women wanted because the crazy thing is, that’s what they said they did. But after being tossed aside in the friend zone enough times Chivalry figured out the truth. Chivalry was smart enough to not be an over the top lay-your-jacket-in-the-puddle-so-she-can-walk-over-it guy but at his core he thought he would still be able to survive.

So Chivalry went through high school and college single and alone in the friend zone while all of his other brothers were constantly hooking up with random sorority chicks. Chivalry quickly realized that he’s not what women want. So in order to not sit home another weekend alone Chivalry knew he had to evolve. Chivalry learned that women like these bad boys especially in the early stages of their dating life, roughly from the ages 16-25. He knew women commonly mistake being an asshole for confidence, which is ultimately what they’re really attracted to. Being an asshole doesn’t make you an alpha male though. Chivalry knew this deep down but finally accepted that women are blind to this fact. Chivalry learned that what women say they want, and what they actually want, are two very different things. A lot of women just want to be a caretaker with a project, someone to “save”. Chivalry knows that as much as women kick and scream and tell themselves and others that they want a “good guy” they truly don’t (they certainly do a good job of convincing themselves of that fact though). But chivalry knew their only frame of reference is themselves. Chivalry has talked to and hit on many different women so the sample size for his conclusion is way greater than that of one woman. But Chivalry knew they had learn the hard way. So he forced himself to evolve or forever be alone.

One day, Chivalry rode to the mountaintop at sunset and got off his mighty steed.Chivalry then laid down his sword, and slowly and methodically took off his armor piece by piece. Then reluctantly, Chivalry put on a leather jacket, climbed on to a motorcycle, and drove slowly back in to the city.

Chivalry was dead.

[Photo: The Pier in Manhattan Beach, CA]


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