4 Things You Can Do While Sitting Alone At The Bar

(What ever happened to the lost art of waiting? As seen on the Thought Catalog.)

What ever happened to the lost art of waiting?

I’m not entirely sure there really was an “art” at but I am sure some of you majored in it at UC Santa Cruz. But waiting seems tolerable now that we have our best friend and constant companion known as our iPhones. Remember how we used to hate the lines at the DMV or for that movie premiere? Well now you can simultaneously bitch about it on Facebook, try to get a reservation at Mozza, and text your friend colloquial atrocities like “c u at da bar”. Some of us even go as far as to stand outside of an establishment looking at our phone faking text messages until our company arrives. In the existential sense, no one really likes to be alone but is it really all that bad?

Here are a couple things you can do while sitting alone at the bar waiting for your roommate, blind date, Craig’s List sofa purchaser:

Eavesdrop on all the conversations around you
Chances are they’re pretty mundane but it’s fun to fill in the blanks and gaps in conversation. Think of it like writing funny captions on pictures you see on the Internet. Most people in public tend to censor their conversation (the exact opposite etiquette of those in a taxi) for fear of judgment so make up your own novella to spice things up a bit. That guy is fucking that guy even though his girl doesn’t know she’s pregnant and there’s some sort of feud going on about a pineapple that ties in the whole thing. The better the story in your mind the more entertained you’ll be.

Make a farfetched To-Do list for the weekend

  • Milk a unicorn
  • Base jump from the Rockefeller center
  • Ride an elephant in India
  • Sucker punch a clown while doing spoken word in the park
  • Parkour at the old folks home
  • Make YouTube videos of you singing George Michael’s “Faith” in drag
  • Zumba
  • Buy stamps

Write a rap song
Being part Caucasian I’ve never written a rap song but I imagine it’s as easy as rhyming  about bitches and Cristal. So try it. I’ll give you a couple starting points. Whiskey, Capri pants, and “nothing rhymes with orange”. If you can do it in Haiku form then major points for you, and you know what baby, you deserve those French fries with garlic aioli.

Talk to someone
Holy shit, remember when we used to have face-to-face communication with each other? You know when you were able to read things like expressions and social cues? WTF, what is this 2007? The key to doing this has to do with your motives. When you go into a bar conversation with anyone you have preface your thoughts “we are just two humans having a simple conversation”. By doing that you are psychologically relaxing yourself and more importantly your body language. Then say something, anything, no matter how dumb it is. If they’re interested in chat they’ll bite, if not then you can quietly bow out. What’s the worst thing that can happen? Well, the worse thing that can happen is they can violently stab with the rusty spork they keep on the inside pocket of their cardigan, but you know what, then you can write a Haiku about it.

[Photo: An outdoor market in New Orleans, LA]

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