(Are there benefits to having sex on the third date? Or should you wait?)
Having sex on the third date is the industry standard.
It’s an unspoken rule for good reason. Do it too fast, and you’re a whore. Wait too long, and you’re a bitch. This applies to both genders. By the third date, you have a good idea of what you want to happen with a person. “Is this going to work out?” “Do I want to be in a relationship?” or “Is this whole thing a waste of my time?” Sex in American culture is such a taboo that no one wants to admit that they crave sex, but it’s okay to want sex because it’s biological and natural — not to mention it feels amazing. Sex is also an important aspect to a relationship because the two of you need to click on an emotional and physical level (which is also the argument for why waiting until marriage to have sex is a horrible idea). So if you’re both attracted to each other, then why should you wait until the third date to have sex?
Even though your hormones are out of control and we know your gender craves sex as much as men, it makes sense for you to wait until the third date. Why? Because biologically you have more to “lose”, with the risk of pregnancy, so it makes sense that your genetics want to lock a man down if he’s going to father your child. You should wait until you know what kind of man he is though. And even though your keen feminine intuition knew after the first date what he was all about, your brain needs the extra reassurance with another two dates. Wait significantly longer than the third date though and you may run into diminishing returns. Men are prideful creatures and the ultimate validation that you approve of them is sex. By making them wait past a certain point of time, their mind will start to play tricks on them. “Does she even like me?” “Is she using me for free meals?” or “Am I just wasting my time with her?” Once he starts to ask himself these questions — and men do — he’s going to become defensive and it will start to erode away at the feelings he built up towards you. And even if you’re super attracted to each other and everything is beautiful kismet, then you should still wait till the third date because having sex too soon is sending the wrong message. If you’re putting out on the first date then he is going to wonder how many other guys you’ve been with. Yes, this is a double standard, but the genders are different and different rules apply (we get judged unfairly in other ways). So the third date is about the right time; besides, you wanted to do it anyway.
You’ve wanted to have sex with her since you first saw her, so you don’t need convincing. The guys that do need convincing, are the ones that think putting that kind of pressure on a girl means you’re being disrespectful. She’s a woman and she can handle your advances, because it’s happened to her a thousand times before. Much of a woman’s ego is tied to her appearance because she knows in society she is — unfair or not — judged that way. But when you don’t try to sleep with her by the third date, she’s going to think you’re weak, not assertive, and probably not attracted to her. But if you are looking for a relationship, then don’t press too hard, too soon, because waiting for sex can create a deeper bond between the two of you. Besides that, there isn’t any reason why you should wait; we are emotionally capable of handling sex at any stage because we don’t attach the same emotions to sex that women do. To us, sometimes sex is just sex.
If you want to go out and randomly hook up, then yes, go have sex on the first date. If you’re looking for a relationship, then wait till the third date. So go ahead and get that awkward first time together out of the way so you can move on to the great sex. But wear a condom. Actually go get tested together because condoms feel horrible. Then you crazy kids can go at it as much you’ve been wanting to anyway when you first laid eyes on each other.
[Photo: A cafe in Mykonos, Greece]