Why You Should Have Sex On The Third Date

(Are there benefits to having sex on the third date? Or should you wait?)

Having sex on the third date is the industry standard.

It’s an unspoken rule for good reason. Do it too fast, and you’re a whore. Wait too long, and you’re a bitch. This applies to both genders. By the third date, you have a good idea of what you want to happen with a person. “Is this going to work out?” “Do I want to be in a relationship?” or “Is this whole thing a waste of my time?” Sex in American culture is such a taboo that no one wants to admit that they crave sex, but it’s okay to want sex because it’s biological and natural — not to mention it feels amazing. Sex is also an important aspect to a relationship because the two of you need to click on an emotional and physical level (which is also the argument for why waiting until marriage to have sex is a horrible idea). So if you’re both attracted to each other, then why should you wait until the third date to have sex?

For women:
Even though your hormones are out of control and we know your gender craves sex as much as men, it makes sense for you to wait until the third date. Why? Because biologically you have more to “lose”, with the risk of pregnancy, so it makes sense that your genetics want to lock a man down if he’s going to father your child. You should wait until you know what kind of man he is though. And even though your keen feminine intuition knew after the first date what he was all about, your brain needs the extra reassurance with another two dates. Wait significantly longer than the third date though and you may run into diminishing returns. Men are prideful creatures and the ultimate validation that you approve of them is sex. By making them wait past a certain point of time, their mind will start to play tricks on them. “Does she even like me?” “Is she using me for free meals?” or “Am I just wasting my time with her?” Once he starts to ask himself these questions — and men do — he’s going to become defensive and it will start to erode away at the feelings he built up towards you. And even if you’re super attracted to each other and everything is beautiful kismet, then you should still wait till the third date because having sex too soon is sending the wrong message. If you’re putting out on the first date then he is going to wonder how many other guys you’ve been with. Yes, this is a double standard, but the genders are different and different rules apply (we get judged unfairly in other ways). So the third date is about the right time; besides, you wanted to do it anyway.

For men:
You’ve wanted to have sex with her since you first saw her, so you don’t need convincing. The guys that do need convincing, are the ones that think putting that kind of pressure on a girl means you’re being disrespectful. She’s a woman and she can handle your advances, because it’s happened to her a thousand times before. Much of a woman’s ego is tied to her appearance because she knows in society she is — unfair or not — judged that way. But when you don’t try to sleep with her by the third date, she’s going to think you’re weak, not assertive, and probably not attracted to her. But if you are looking for a relationship, then don’t press too hard, too soon, because waiting for sex can create a deeper bond between the two of you. Besides that, there isn’t any reason why you should wait; we are emotionally capable of handling sex at any stage because we don’t attach the same emotions to sex that women do. To us, sometimes sex is just sex.

If you want to go out and randomly hook up, then yes, go have sex on the first date. If you’re looking for a relationship, then wait till the third date. So go ahead and get that awkward first time together out of the way so you can move on to the great sex. But wear a condom. Actually go get tested together because condoms feel horrible. Then you crazy kids can go at it as much you’ve been wanting to anyway when you first laid eyes on each other.

[Photo: A cafe in Mykonos, Greece]   

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13 responses to “Why You Should Have Sex On The Third Date

  1. Not all females crave sex you know. I’m 12 I don’t want to have sex now or later for that matter. Even when I’m 32 I’ll exactly the same way as in the present. My friends tell me I’ll change my mind, so does my mum. Trust me I won’t! Waiting for sex isn’t that bad. It might even be fun, because your learning to reject your desires, it makes you stronger, plus it’s a challenge. Why not wait!

  2. This is the dumbest article I’ve ever read. The 1950’s called, they want their gender roles back.

  3. The most common source of problems in marriages is that the couple misinterpreted their mutual feelings of attraction as love. This normally results in the couple trying to keep up appearances after about 5 years, and wondering where the love went.

    It is important to know that attraction is an emotional feeling that may fade, while love is a promise that has nothing to do with attraction. Love is a promise to do 4 things.
    1. To accept everything that you know and do not know about her now.
    2. To accept her as you both age – for better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness or health for as long as you both shall live. Even if she is disfigured by an accident or crippled by illness, you accept her.
    3. To forgive her later. Since neither of you is perfect, you both depend on each others’ forgiveness.
    4. To encourage her to improve. This 4th one gives purpose to your relationship – otherwise it will get boring.

    If you are both ready to make and keep these promises to each-other, then you are ready to love. When you keep them, you demonstrate your love for each-other. After you formally make your promises at your wedding, you complete or consummate these promises with sexual intercourse. Every time that you subsequently have sexual intercourse, you reinforce your promises – it is truly a beautiful and mutually satisfying experience.

    If you have sexual intercourse before making your promises, then you show her that you are capable of justifying forsaking her for a younger, shapelier rival when she gets older. If you are able to restrain yourself when your attraction for her is at its highest, then you show her that you are capable of resisting the rival that will inevitably come.

    Source: Attraction is a feeling. Love is a Promise. by Grenville Phillips, president of Walbrent College.

    • It sounds like Jeff, you are the person that waited until marriage to have sex, I’m guessing for religious reasons. While that may be fine for you, what about the people that aren’t religious or don’t hold the same viewpoint as you. There are no four hard and fast rules to love, and if there are any rules, there are probably more than four. But I believe for any relationship to work you need to click on a physical and emotional level, and how do you know you will be a match physically unless you have sex, which is a completely natural and biological part of a relationship. Waiting until marriage to have sex is an outdated idea that is rarely ever followed anymore, this article is for these people.

      • Hi Chris:

        Waiting to have sex until after marriage has nothing to do with being religious – it just makes sense. If you wish a long term relationship, then you want some indication that your partner intends to keep their promises of love. Abstaining demonstrates that intention.

        If the couple consciously intends to build their relationship on the temporary attraction that they feel for each other, then they are planning for a short term relationship. It makes no sense for them to pursue a long term marriage relationship. However, they should both be honest about it – its all about the sex.

        For those who wish a long term relationship, then they have a lifetime to learn about each others’ sexual pleasurable desires and explore new methods to excite and satisfy each other. There is a complete physical, emotional and mental satisfaction in knowing that your wife is reinforcing her promises every time you sexually engage – its not just about the sex.

  4. This article is poorly written and gives horrible advice. Three weeks is not enough time to know someone at all. Is the person really married and hiding it? Do they have kids? Do they have STD’s? Many people who have sex on the third date and regret it. You should wait until you know someone better and know their intentions before you do such an intimate act with them. I have gone out with 100 guys. I can count on one hand how many men I have slept with because most of the men I have met have not been good enough for me to slekarewewith!

    • “100 guys” (yes I realize this is hyperbole) is a large sample size and they couldn’t all have been bad guys. Are you sure your methods are sound?

      “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.”

  5. If a woman offered me sex on the third date, I would say my farewells right there. Three dates is comfortably within the realm of casual sex and that’d be a hell of an impression if I was considering a long term relationship.

  6. If you’re having sex on date three, when are you supposed to have time to get an STD test? Or is that supposed to be date two? And considering it takes at least 3 months for antibodies of HIV to appear in your blood, if you’re being tested before 3 months of monogamy, your STD results are quite possibly null anyway. If the three date rule became the three month rule, that might make more sense. Marriage is too long to wait, but 3 dates is waaaaay too early.

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