(You broke up with your ex for a reason. Now you just have to get over it.)
Uh oh, Valentine’s Day is coming up and you’re feeling vulnerable.
Another year may go by where don’t have someone to give you the perfunctory flowers and chocolate — and you know that bitch Sandra in accounting is going to make her boyfriend send roses to the office. So what are you going to do? You’ve had a little wine to drink. Maybe you should call your ex, at least there’s some familiarity there. It’s not like you’re going to a bar to meet some stranger. What’s the harm right? It’s just a text message.
Three reasons to put down your phone:
You need to quit your ex cold turkey
Instead of letting the pain slowly linger you need to rip the band-aid off quickly — sure it’s going to hurt but the sting will go away. How are you going to do that? You should have already deleted his or her number (if for some reason you can’t do that, then do my number deletion trick). Now go to Facebook and remove them from your list of friends. You don’t need to be chugging along nicely in your life then suddenly see that he’s in a new relationship with that chick you always thought was suspect in the first place. You don’t need to log on one day and find out she’s pregnant with her boss’ baby. And don’t even think of trying to remain friends because that never works, it’s just a blurred line. Even though you may think you’re the magical exception and you can make it work, your future mates will see right through that and hold it against you. You need to completely remove this person from your life and never look back otherwise you’re never going to grow and find another.
Time to crash the boards and get a rebound
It’s a common maxim that “in order to get over someone, you need to get under someone”. Keep in mind that this isn’t going to actually heal you and in some cases may make you feel temporarily worse. But you need a symbolic way to show that you’ve closed that door and even if you wanted to, you can’t return. You’ve found someone else (temporarily) to run to. So go and make some bad decisions because they make for good stories and you need to move on.
Remember the bad times
Our brains have an amazing capacity to repress bad memories and only focus on the good. That’s why when you think back to all of your vacations, you only remember the good parts. Not the flight delays, stolen luggage, or arguments at the train station. The same goes for the good times with your ex. Try to remember all the fights, bad sex, poor communication, etc. that made you guys break up in the first place. Remember all those nights you spent crying in your pillow or staring in your beer, remember? Yea see, that was a shitty relationship huh.
So there are steps you can take to make getting over your ex an active process. And just know that until your ex is replaced by another, there’s always going to be a tiny part of you that thinks of him or her. Since they were a large part of your life for such a long time it’s understandable that you’re going think about them once in a while. But don’t take that as a sign that you should email or call them. You broke up with your ex for a reason and “time heals all wounds”. Except chlamydia, time doesn’t heal that.
[Photo: Graffiti in Cinque Terre, Italy]