(Are you truly the catch that you think you are?)
If you bluntly tell someone that they’re dull and boring they will undoubtedly say, “no I’m not.” Why? Because no one wants to think anything negative about themselves. We all have an ego and an inflated sense of self and we all believe we’re the most amazing human being on the planet – a “catch.” That’s why when I wrote my “World Famous Two Question Dating Quiz,” where you rate yourself on a scale of 1-10, it was designed so you have to minus one to your total score. Are you really the “catch” that you believe you are?
One of the downsides to social media is the prevalence of negative egocentrism – also known as complaining — that people put out in the world; people mistakenly believe others care about their problems. Besides the normal topics of bad traffic or how bad their day is, people frequently complain about the lack of quality mates on online dating sites – and by people, I mean women. There are a couple of reasons why it can be that women are the most vocal at expressing their disapproval:
- Women complain more than men
- Men feel ashamed for being on these sites so don’t want to draw attention to it
- Women are too picky
Let’s explore that last point. I found an article online called “Qualities of the Prince,” where the author took the dating profile of the average female and used the exact same wording except changed all the words to masculine. He then explicitly asked for the qualities that men seek in a woman, much like what women do when looking for a man. The results were outright feminine rage, but as he pointed out, “girl-world is the only world for them, so pulling back the iron-veil of the feminine reality like this is usually a hard revelation. Ironically it’s the vitriol engendered in the responses to my reworded profile that prove the point.” Why is it that all women like to believe they’re princesses that deserve to be courted by the perfect man, but when he, a man, posed himself as a prince, the result from women was nothing but anger.
So when women digitally skewer these men found on OK Cupid (or “OK Stupid” as they like to call it) are they truly “diamond in the rough” women that deserve what they seek, or do they all have an inflated sense of self? If women can craft profiles that ask for attributes they want in a man like “security” (i.e. wealth) and that “a normal gift IS romantic and necessary,” then why can’t a man ask for what he wants, a younger woman with a hot face and a nice ass. Sure these desires are superficial, but if that’s truly what a man wants – which don’t fool yourself, it is – then what’s wrong with asking for it, just like women do with their desires. We’re all humans dominated by our primary sense of vision and we’re all superficial (did you buy those heels you’re wearing right now because they’re cheap and functional, or because they’re pretty).
So why is it OK for the self-appointed princesses of the online dating world to explicitly ask for what they want, and complain about the crop of available men, but men can’t do the same when the roles are reversed? If you truly are the “catch” that you think you are, then shouldn’t you already be living happily ever after?
[Photo: Street art in Bogota, Colombia. As seen on my current travel blog, Art of Altitude.]