When It Comes To Attraction, Are Men Just As Discriminated Against As Women?


We’re men and we’re tired of being discriminated against.

That sounds kind of ridiculous coming from the mouth of a man doesn’t it. Why is it that women can get away with saying something like that but a man can’t? That’s not equality. The reason is because men are the dominant gender, so complaining from a “higher” position comes off as petty. If men weren’t the dominant gender, then feminism wouldn’t be have progressed to its nebulous “fourth wave,” that most women themselves can’t even describe. All animals have a dominant gender, with hyenas and elephants it’s the females, with humans it’s the males. That’s why it comes off poorly when men complain about discrimination, and women are a lot more vocal than men with their problems. So are men just as discriminated against as women? The answer is yes, but in different ways.

With women they often complain about being “sex objects,” knowing that their success in society, especially with the opposite sex, is heavily weighed upon their looks and their youth. Women are especially more aware of this as they become older, when the looks they formerly took advantage of begin to fade. A woman knows that her sexual market value (SMV) significantly drops off as she ages. When she was in her younger twenties enjoying all of the free drinks and had the power to manipulate weaker — generally younger — men, she used her looks to her advantage, but as she gets older she realizes she can’t do that anymore then suddenly cries for equality. The theory that the media has warped our idea of beauty doesn’t matter, whatever beauty is, young women take advantage of it and I would absolutely do the same if I were them. Beauty in the human animal is a selectively favorable trait and it brings certain advantages. By all means, if you’ve got it, flaunt it.

On the flip side of that, men are like wine, we get better with age. Why? It has two do with two things. One, women mature at a lot faster rate then men, so it takes a while for the maturity of a man to catch up with what women desire; that maturity also brings confidence. Two, the older a man gets the more earning potential he has; this is how men are discriminated against. On the blog, The Good Men Project, an article called “Five Important Things Women Don’t Know About Men,” Noah Brand points out that “we know that our attractiveness, our worth…is all about how much money we can make. And it’s exhausting.” So while women constantly complain about “sex objects,” men quietly wallow in the despair of being “success objects.” Of course the counter argument from all women is that “I make my own money and I can buy my own things, I’m not like that.” If that was true then you would buy your own drinks and your online dating profile wouldn’t use the euphemism that you want a guy with “security.” Men, we already know we’re discriminated against but we have to understand that our plight is just as unfair as that of women.

Men and women are both discriminated against equally, but in different ways. We just have to realize these things aren’t going to change. Men can pretend to love more mature women, but the large majority of men are still going to date the younger and more attractive ones. That’s why men with access to almost any woman in the world, like a Leonardo DiCaprio or a George Clooney, will always date the younger hotter women, and in the reverse that’s why younger women will always date the richer or more famous guy, he can provide for her more. So you can’t blame women for putting on makeup and push up bras, just like you can’t blame men for boasting about their jobs or flaunting their wealth with their cars. We can easily sit here and say that we’re going both try really hard to see beyond beauty and wealth, we can have arguments on CNN and Huffiington Post or even throw in a few court cases and protests, but when it comes down to it, we’re always going to go with our instincts. Both genders are discriminated against and unfair or not, women are going to be judged by their beauty and men are going to be judged by their wealth. If it’s a mate you seek, you’re just going have to do what it takes to adapt to that.

[Photo: Street Art in Lima, Peru]

[While I’m in Argentina updating my alternate site and travel blog, I’ve reduced the price of “How Much Does Love Cost: 33 Essays on Modern Dating” to $1. Check it out and share it with your friends.]


11 responses to “When It Comes To Attraction, Are Men Just As Discriminated Against As Women?

  1. As always, an interesting read. I was sitting in the doctor’s office (not a plastic surgeon) the other day thumbing through Men’s Health or one of those equally asinine and stereotype-reinforcing magazines. Vin Diesel was the cover story, and inside he said, “Hollywood is more concerned about its male actors being in shape than its female actors.” My guess is he’s gotten a lot of shit for that comment, and I don’t know if that’s true, but I think it’s an interesting point. I certainly don’t think about how much work it takes to continue looking as good as some men do into their 30s and 40s NEARLY as much as I think about the issues surrounding women’s bodies. Not surprising, that, I know, but male body issues aren’t discussed. Male insecurity in general, about anything, isn’t discussed, for the reasons you point out here – the pressure to be big strong cool tough providing.
    Thanks again for a good read.

    • That’s actually an interesting point I didn’t even think about. Vin would know more than us though as we’re not celebrities with that kind of pressure. He’s subjected to it by magazines, studios, and his agent. As men we’re just expected not to complain about things and for the most part we usually don’t, but the times we do, then we’re automatically dismissed and then never taken seriously.

  2. The phrase “discriminated equally” may be a matter of debate, but the extent to which men are judged economically, and the way women try to deny they do this, is important.

    As a newly minted social worker in my 20s I found dating difficult because only women my were appropriate for me, but there was so much competition from older men. And women would tell me, “That’s so great you’re a social worker, that you choose people over money.” But the implication was clear – and passive-aggressive.

    On the other hand, working with people with HIV meant I worked closely with the gay community. I realized that were I gay finding dates would be so easy – I was turning down offers for dinner or drinks from men who hoped I was gay. It was quite the contrast.

    • Interesting points. You’re right about debating the semantics of the word “equally” but I suppose no one will know the answer to that as it can’t be quantified. As an abysmally paid paramedic, I know what you mean with the “people over money” argument. Those qualities in a man sound “great on paper” but when it comes down to it, women will generally go for the man with the money, and then emotionally rationalize it to their self and to others.

      For the most part women don’t know what they want in a man, so they say things that sound good like “nice and funny,” but in reality they base their choices on overall emotions that they feel, and a wealthy man will make them feel “safe.”

  3. Its all about power. The good looking ladies power over men with their looks and body. And the rich men power over the attractive ladies with their money. I say those kind of shallow people can have each other.

    • That’s everyone. I’m assuming you’re a middle class man by your comments, but if you were rich you would take the “good looking” lady in a second. That’s not shallow, that’s human nature.

  4. I know that can be true for most women from what I hear from my female friends and women I work with. Most of them treat their men like bank accounts. They complain about equality but have no problem having the guy shell out the dough all the time. This never makes any sense to me. They can’t be feminist and then demand to constantly be lavished with money, attention, etc. Most of my friends have at one point or another dated for the sake of having a free meal. I for one feel that if the company isn’t worth it I can buy my own meal.

    • So if you like the guy, you let him pay? If you don’t like the guy then, you’ll pitch in?

      Yea, a lot of my female friends openly admit to being on online dating sites for a free meal at a fancy restaurant. A red flag for my gender, also why there’s the rising prevalance of coffee dates. It also makes me laugh when some of them cry for “equality” but then complain when they have to do something like pay for cover at a bar.

      • I like taking turns in paying on a date. He pays the first date I pay for the next. I also have no problem to go dutch. It’s expensive to take people on dates, I don’t expect them to always pay my way. Especially when we both work.

  5. Pingback: Cute or Smart: What Do Men Truly Want? | Chris Backley·

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